


I Don’t Know How We’ve Manage To Survive

by 4sidedtrianglz (fallenalien)



Category: Preacher (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Child Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-11-28 20:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20972735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenalien/pseuds/4sidedtrianglz
Summary: A character study about Tulip and Cassidy learning more about exactly what happened with Jesse at Angelville. Basically what would’ve happened if Cassidy had insisted on staying with Tulip and Jesse and refused to leave without them.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter takes place during episode 5 of season 3 and rewrites multiple scenes how I imagine they would've happened if Cassidy had stayed for both Jesse and Tulip. This fic is pretty Jesse centered and in later chapters goes more in depth into his character, but I wanted to start off with this scene because I felt like it was really heartfelt and I'm a stan of the ot3. I've only gotten as far as episode 6 of season 3 in the series and I really wanted to churn this out before I went on any further. My apologies for any spelling or grammar errors, I kind of wrote this in a rush.

Tulip put the car into park and waited. The two of them just sat there for a while. The headlights of the bus to New Orleans the only lighting shining into the vehicle. She looks like an angel, Cassidy thought to himself. 

"Tulip-" He started 

"No Cass," she interrupted, "just listen to me willya,"

She took a deep breath, knuckles white from gripping the wheel. When she started speaking again, her tone was calm, words carefully chosen. 

"I know what I said back in New Orleans, but I didn't mean it okay,"

"Didn't meant what?"

"I was just mad Cass I-,"

She turned to look him in the eyes. 

"I was never gonna go to Bimini without Jesse,"

Cass was taken aback, mouth agape.

"Not for long anyways, I woulda come back for him eventually,” she shook her head, “Cass, me and Jesse. I can’t just leave him-”

“Why not?” he shouted, suddenly “You don’t owe him anything, Tulip, you can leave”

He searched her face for any sign that he was getting through to her.

“You don’t understand, Cass-”

“Oh I understand well enough, he walks out on you to chase his dream of being a preacher and that’s all fine and dandy, but when y-”

“YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT THAT, CASS” she said staring him down with a look that finally got it through his head that this was a lost cause.

“No I suppose I don’t,” he said turning to get out of the car.

“Wait, Cass,” she said grabbing a hold of his shoulder. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes. He considered just getting out of the car and not bothering to hear what she had to say, but he couldn’t convince his body to move.

“Cass you’re misunderstanding me. I’m staying here for Jesse, but not because of Jesse,”

She searched for the right words, but couldn’t seem to find them.

“I just can’t leave him Cass, not here, not again,”

He waited for her to explain.

“When- when we were kids, back in Anneville,” she started, “I was having some trouble at home. Dad in prison, Mom always working, Uncle barely sober enough to recall his own name let alone take care of a kid. I didn’t have nobody. Jesse was the only person who’d even give me the time of day,” she furrowed her brows “and it’s not like Jesse had some great life either. I know he talks like his dad is the 2nd coming of Christ, but he gave Jesse more than a fair share of beatings, although as a kid he’d be tripping over himself tryna explain to me how badly he deserved it.”

She shook her head, and huffed humorlessly, “Always the pastor’s son. Anyways one day we got into a fight at school and had to get sent home early I didn’t have nowhere to go, so Jesse begged his Dad until he agreed to let me stay at their place. So I ended up sleeping on their couch for bouta week. Jesse offered to me share his bed, but his Dad said boys and girls aint supposed to do that. For that week things were good, until-” she paused, “until his dad took the time to remind me the difference between Jesse and me. He was Custer and I was an O’haire and as much I wanted to believe that that didn’t mean nothing it did. Jesse was meant for great things and I would just be holding him back. So when child services came, I didn’t fight back. I didn’t try to run or hide. I just got in the car and left without saying goodbye. I left, Cass, I just drove away.” 

“Until the end of the world,” her voice just ghosting above a whisper, “that’s the promise we’d made each other and I didn’t even get close to keeping it,”

She sat there in silence so long, Cassidy was sure she had finished, but just as he opened his mouth to speak she raised her hand to silence him and gathered up her voice again before going on.

“I didn’t find out til years later,” she continued, “but that night I left was the same night his daddy was killed right in front of him. The night these psycho fuckers took him and kept him here in this hellscape.” her voice shook with conviction, “I won’t leave him again, Cassidy, I just won’t.”

“You were just a kid,” he responded quietly, “there might’ve been nothing you could do, Tulip,”

“Maybe,” she said, “But there sure as hell is a lot I can do now, so I aint leavin him, Cass,”

Cass looked down at the bottle of love potion in his hands and then looked up at Tulip. In that moment he doubted even the love potion would be strong enough to change her mind.

“I’m not leavin without you,” he stated and before she could object he added, “or Jesse. You guys are my best mates, okay, even if Jesse is kind of an asshole so whatever happens we do it together.”

He buckled his seat belt for emphasis. The bus was long since gone anyways. Tulip searched his face to confirm that he was serious and then a smile crossed her lips.

“Good,” she said, putting the car into ignition, “then let’s go save Jesse.”

~*~

“Where’s Jesse?” Tulip asked again.

From where Cassidy was hidden, he could see Tulip looking up the man from where she was chained to the wall. She had told him to hide out while she talked with Jesse, telling him that she’d catch up with him once they figured something out. When she didn’t get back to him, he decided to sneak back into the house to check up on them, only to see that they had noticed Cassidy’s absence sooner than expected and the fight was already over. Jody looked up from his crossword puzzle, a dark grin spreading across his face.

“You really wanna know?” he said staring her down.

Tulip stared back unblinkingly, but his tone of voice unsettled Cassidy enough for the both of them.

“Jesse’s in time out,” the large man continued on.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” replied Tulip tersely.

The man just chuckled and filled out another word on his puzzle.

“Lil Jesse never told you about that? When he was a kid, he used to hate the Coffin. Damn well couldn’t stand the thing. You see the Coffin is where we used to put customers who tried to walk out or were less than willing to pay back their debts. Ya find that people are usually more agreeable when you leave em in a box at the bottom of the swamp for a couple hours. It kind of went without use when we started having people pay back their debts with souls instead, but when lil Jesse came around Madame L’Angelle thought it’d be put to good use."

"Always a fighter that one. The first couple times he ’d be hollerin and screaming the whole way down. Banged on the lid so much that by the time we pulled him back up, the damn thing was half flooded,” he laughed liked he’d gotten to the punchline of a funny story, “kid was soaking wet, sick with fever, shivering like a dog. But he got real smart about behaving after that. Yep no more escape attempts from then on.” 

Cassidy had heard just about enough of this lunatic's story. He was practically shaking with anger but did his best to still himself. He would’ve gone and killed the beast of man then himself, if he didn’t know Tulip had a plan for otherwise.

“You know, Jody, when I get Jesse out of his stupid curse and he kicks your ass for all the messed up shit you did to him, I’m gonna have to remember to ask him to kick your teeth in for me,” she said with a smile that was so soaked in fury it would have weaker men pissing their pants with fear, “or on second thought I might just do it myself,”

He looked up from the crossword puzzle just in time to see her slam her knee into the side of his face hard enough that Cass was sure he’d chipped a tooth. He recovered quickly and she dodged his attempt to grab at her as she made her way to the door. He attempted to chase after her only to see that the handcuff that had been on her hand, now attached his ankle to the water heater. She was halfway to the door when she noticed Cassidy outside the window. From his face alone she must’ve been able to tell that he heard the whole thing because she immediately communicated a look that said “Get Jesse,” before continuing on out the door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse uses his time in the Coffin to reminisce about the last time he'd ended up there.

He didn't resist as he was led to his grandma's room after the show. He was still reeling from the night's events, of everything that had happened with Sabina and of having to kill her brother, a person he could've once called his friend, with his bare hands. Nevertheless his grandma was a constant and disobedience was disobedience in her eyes. There would be no forgiveness from her until punishment was delivered. TC pushed open the doors and Jesse was shoved into the dark, candle lit room where his grandma did seances and cast spells and closed the door behind him, though Jesse had no doubt that him and Jody would be waiting outside to deliver whatever punishment his grandmother decided on. She sat in the shadow of her chair, smoking a pipe, the smoke giving her an ethereal look which he assumed was the intention. Alone in the dark room with her, he tried not to squirm under the gaze he could feel rather than see on him. 

“You disappointed me, Jesse,” she said taking another breath from her pipe.

“I’m sorry, gran’ma-” 

“I don’t remember saying you could speak,” she interrupted tersely, “after everything you’ve done, the least you could do is give me the chance to speak my peace and then take your punishment so we can move on.”

He said nothing, just stared at his shoes and pretended he was somewhere else.

“Now Jesse, I know that it hasn’t always been easy on you, since the loss of your mama it’s been hard on me too. Raising a kid aint easy ya know especially at my age, but I did my best,”

Jesse remained silent, studying the intricate carpet floor pattern and trying to get the image of his daddy’s brains being blown out out of his head.

“And this is how you repay me, by running off with that lousy half baked fake psychic girl and bringing her degenerate brother come down on our place of business,” she took another smoke of the pipe, “Now I’m gonna have to do something about that girl, too”

That shook him out of his stupor.

“No,” he said looking up at his grandmother, “sh-she doesn’t mean anything I already broke it off with her and everything,”

His grandmother looked at him incredulously, “You broke it off with her?”

He nodded.

“You promise?”

“I swear.” he replied.

“Good,” said his grandma leaning back in her chair, “as long as she stays below the radar and doesn’t stir up any trouble, I don’t see why we can’t just leave her alone,”

Jesse sighed with relief, but he knew the implications. She was just another debt, something for his grandma to dangle over his head, just out of his reach, but always in the line of sight. A reminder.

“I don’t mean to be cruel, Jesse, I really don’t” she said taking another drift, “we gotta take care of each other, we’re the only family each other got left,”

He could hear gunshots ringing in his ears once again.

“Jody, TC,” she hollered and just as Jesse suspected they were on the room in seconds, no doubt having been waiting right outside the door.

“Take Jesse out to the Swamps and put him in the coffin willya,” she said offhandedly before taking another drag of her pipe. 

“For how long Miss Marie?” TC asked.

“Til I say otherwise,” she replied without looking up.

~*~

Jesse trudged along the swamp path vacantly with TC and Jody following close behind him. He tried not to dwell too much on what was going to happen. It'd been a while since he'd been put in the Coffin and he'd foolishly convinced himself that he was too old for that kind of punishment. He tried to remind himself of why he was doing this. Sabina would hate him for the rest of her life, but at least she'd have a life to spend hating him. He took comfort in that thought as he mentally prepared himself for what was to come. "Til I say otherwise" was code for not anytime soon. It could be hours or even days before he was let out. He tried not to let that thought fill him with dread. It was early morning as the show from the night before had gone on longer than expected. Despite everything that had happened the show must go on. Jesse was thankful for the distraction, however temporary. It prevented him from having to process what had happened, but now it looked like he'd have plenty of time to think. It'd already been a couple of hours since he'd eaten, but he'd ate well at dinner. The food was digested enough that he didn't think he'd have to worry about throwing it back up. That reminded him. 

"Hey Jody," he said stopping. 

They all stopped. 

"Can I, um, take a piss?" he nudged some dirt with his foot as he said it.

Jody gave him a look akin to pity, but not quite it and shifted his head to the side giving him the signal to go ahead. Jesse wouldn't have asked if he thought that Jody would say no, but he was grateful nonetheless. That was thing about this place, he thought as he walked off the path and into the swamp, when your surrounded by cruel people, even the smallest favors seem like great acts of kindness. He tries not to let it bother him, the person he’s had to learn to become. The person this place has made. Flashes from last night played over in his mind. He shut his eyes to block them out. And there was his father's voice again playing in his head, begging with his final wishes for him to be one of the good guys. He hadn’t even realized he had started running until his shoulder clipped one of the passing trees. He was breathing hard and it was hard to see with tears in his eyes. He scrubbed at them furiously. Behind him he could hear Jody and TC screaming his name. He picked up speed, pushing his legs with everything he had and he running through the swamp narrowly dodging trees and shrubbery as he ran. He’d made this run before and failed every time, ever only landing himself a worse beating than the one he was already gonna get. But things were different now. He was bigger, faster. He wasn’t a little kid with no control over what happened to him anymore. There was only one way in or out of this place. If he could just get to the main road he could hitch a ride with one of the passing cars into town from there he could lie low for a little bit and then get a car try to make his way back to Anneville, stay with a family friend, maybe catch up with Tulip. He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn’t notice, as burst out of the trees and turned onto the main road, the dark truck parked in the middle of the road waiting for him. The headlights illuminated, shining him down and he moved to run back into the trees when he was grabbed from behind. 

“That’s enough, lil Jesse," as he struggled to hold the younger man back in his arms. 

Jesse struggled profusely, his dreams of freedom only a few meters away. He slipped his arms out of the ridiculous jacket he was still wearing and rammed his elbow into TC’s eye. The man cried out and released him. He turned around and kicked the man in stomach causing him to keel over. He was breathing even harder now, his body practically vibrating with energy. He heard the door to the truck slam shut. 

“So Lil Jesse wants to fight like a big man now does he?” Jody said coming around to the front of the truck. Jesse turned around, squaring his shoulders. The wind had picked up and the sky had gone gray. He struggled to get his breathing under control. 

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY,” he shouted over the wind.

Jody just laughed, “Kid, you better come o’er here and make me,”

Jesse didn’t need to be told twice, as he ran into the significantly larger man and attempted to tackle him. He hardly budged an inch, but it gave Jesse the opportunity to slip behind him and kick him in the back of the knee. This time he stumbled forward slightly. Jesse didn't give him the chance to recover. He tackled him again this time from behind, wrapping his arms around his neck and squeezing. If the grip of his neck affected him, Jody didn’t show it as he tossed the boy off, who went tumbling across the ground. Jesse recovered as quickly as he could manage and Jody was on him in seconds. Jesse narrowly dodged the fists that came his way and managed to land 2 solid ones of his before Jody's fist managed to clip the side of his face leaving him stumbling backward. Jesse spit out blood and raised his fists once again. Jesse swung his foot into Jody's side and resisted the urge to wince as the pain to his foot seemingly outweighed any damage Jody took. 

Jesse was running out of steam and before he could gather the energy to make another attempt on offense, Jody was grabbing him by the front of the shirt and slamming him into the ground before he could even think of defending himself. His back hit the ground and he saw black stars on a white background. It took all his strength to blink them away and force the air back into his lungs. Distantly over the ringing of his ears, Jesse could hear a voice telling him to stay down. The offer sounded appealing, but before he could fully consider it time slowed down and suddenly his father appeared yelling at him to get up and he knew he couldn't. This beating was punishment. His father's forgiveness could only be earned with the steep price of achieving his freedom and that meant not keeling over just yet. He managed to put his feet flat on the gravel and slowly put in his knees under him, using his arms to hold himself up. 

"I'm warning you, kid,"

Jesse's head was banging as if had its own heartbeat. He struggled to put his feet flat under him, but managed to get off his knees to straighten out and come to a swaying stance. He looked up to see that while he'd been struggling to stand Jody had managed to sneak up behind him. He wondered distantly how a man so large managed to be so quiet. At least it saved him the trouble of trying to walk over to him. His fist hit Jody's chest and even Jesse could feel the hit was weak, Jody's however was not and Jesse was out before he hit the ground. 

Jesse couldn't lift his arms to wipe the blood from his nose as he was dragged across the marshland floor like a recently deceased corpse. He shifted in and out of conscience, watching the sky above him change in indeterminate intervals. He was dropped suddenly, shaking him out of his stupor as he realized they were already at the docks. TC and Jody talked above him, but she couldn’t process any of what they were saying. They both moved away and Jesse used the opportunity to pull himself into a sitting position leaning against some crates and tried to get his wits about him. 

“Oh Jesse you’re up,” said TC coming back over to him, “lemme get you some water,”

He went away and as Jesse’s hearing recovered over the sound of the thumping. He could hear the crank as somewhere the Coffin was lifted from the swamp. TC came back with a clean rag and a bottle of water. He gracelessly wiped the blood from Jesse’s face and put the bottle of water to his lips. Jesse gulped it down, but was beginning to regret not using the bathroom when he had the chance.

“Here its probably for the best you keep the rest of that with you.” TC said shoving the water bottle into his hand.

The crank stopped and Jody pulled the Coffin onto the docks, as TC helped him up and led him over to where it laid. As Jody flung the top open, the Coffin called out to him longingly like a childhood friend. Jody gestured him toward it and he stepped in without resistance. 

“Imma kill you, one day” Jesse said as he laid back on the damp wood, "for what you did to my Daddy,,”

He stared the larger man down. Jody just laughed that same humorless laugh and shut the lid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have some Jesse x Cass bonding moments that I feel like we missed out on this season. Also thank you guys for all the nice comments. 😳I'm really glad people enjoy my fics.

**Author's Note:**

> In the next chapters will probably be more Jesse-centric, but still plenty of moments with the Tulip and Cassidy.


End file.
